Sometimes, n more then some times, heart matters puzzle me more than brain matters does. I would willingly read, do questions on math and such, but the heart, oh the heart. Its hard to think straight when ur heart is in chaos, its hard to concentrate on ur work when ur heart occupy ur head more than it should be. He asked me the same question again this morning. N I thought I have run out of tears when the fresh batch just sliding down my cheeks. What should I do? What should I reply? I was sick with these thoughts and anger. The more I think, the more I m angry. With myself, with him, with those people concern.
Oh open ur eyes, can't u see that u r making us unhappy, horrid and depressed? Should I run away from him to satisfy ur needs? Should I bury myself 7 ft under to make him go back to u? I m turning to more bitchy these days, accusing him every curse I could think of. He took it calmly when his heart is breaking as well as mine. Is this what u want? To make him separate from me? If u wanted to do so, why dont u do it sooner? not when we are this thick, this inseparable.
We tried to break it off. It didn't work. We get to half a day when he bombarded my fon with texts n phone calls. Why does it have to be this hard? I'm willing to wait, but for hong long? If u don't like me so, why didn't u tell so? Why indeed did u gv him permission n then u crush our heart. My heart can't take any more of these drama. I just want to be happy. I want him to be happy. but no, we could not be so. Is it our destiny? I'm sick of these....
I think I will go as far away as I can one of these days. I have to save up some money first, then, I'll just go somewhere no one knows me. Where I can learn to be myself n try to be happy again. Where I m not tortured by his face, his presence, his love. I think I have to take a new path, even if my heart say no, my mind is restless n think of no other way. I hope when I leave him, he will be happy n find someone his family could approve of. I'm sorry darling, for I love you, but I can't be with you,
Oh open ur eyes, can't u see that u r making us unhappy, horrid and depressed? Should I run away from him to satisfy ur needs? Should I bury myself 7 ft under to make him go back to u? I m turning to more bitchy these days, accusing him every curse I could think of. He took it calmly when his heart is breaking as well as mine. Is this what u want? To make him separate from me? If u wanted to do so, why dont u do it sooner? not when we are this thick, this inseparable.
We tried to break it off. It didn't work. We get to half a day when he bombarded my fon with texts n phone calls. Why does it have to be this hard? I'm willing to wait, but for hong long? If u don't like me so, why didn't u tell so? Why indeed did u gv him permission n then u crush our heart. My heart can't take any more of these drama. I just want to be happy. I want him to be happy. but no, we could not be so. Is it our destiny? I'm sick of these....
I think I will go as far away as I can one of these days. I have to save up some money first, then, I'll just go somewhere no one knows me. Where I can learn to be myself n try to be happy again. Where I m not tortured by his face, his presence, his love. I think I have to take a new path, even if my heart say no, my mind is restless n think of no other way. I hope when I leave him, he will be happy n find someone his family could approve of. I'm sorry darling, for I love you, but I can't be with you,
4 comments:
izit his dad? hmm.. if it is, yaa. parents payed important roles thou. Xsemua borneo pple can accept peninsulars. been thru thou. hmm
ermmmm....all thing wut u want to do...always remember God...all praises to Allah....
npe ni kat?? mind to share ke??
jgn sedey tau..
life is nt as easy n lovable as we thot.
evn cad sdri pun kdg2 lost. dgn rasa bjauhn.
dgn de rse org len xska hbgn ni dteruskn.
well, we hv to go on n prepare this anytime....
for we as the children of God, we don't know what might happen next.....
be strong!! :)
Ersha:xdlah..hm.cm malu my fam cm org sng kot..xtwla,i pon xphm..
Anony:tengs ya,i try hard to do so.
Cad:yeah,m not sure either. I could patch things up, or not. I ll just hv to wait patiently. I do hope i could cope. :(
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