I decide..to let is pass.I dont want to give a damn already. He still love me, as I do for him. So yeah, whatever. I'll just try to wait patiently, coz I know I do love this guy, n not just using him to pass my time, no. Its complicated really, coz both of us dont want to hurt each other so much that we r willing to sacrifice and end up hurting each other more, and more. Why do we do these actually? Why should we listen to someone who doesn't even know what we feel, how we feel. I decided not to give up, to wait patiently as patiently as I could, and to support him on his decision. I m not being a role gf or whatever, but, not to be with him hurts bloody more than staying with him. Like something step on my heart, my chest n I could not breathe. I have never feel this heartbroken before. Maybe we should give it a try again. We know we love each other too much.
I have been unhappy for more or less 2 months. or longer as I feel it. Giving up sometimes is not an option when U love someone and U feel that they are hurt when they r with U.Questions and more questions makes me think and think and think. What should I do, What should I say, What? And sometimes I feel like he dont want to be a burden anymore, dont want to make me cry anymore by giving me permission to leave. Don't he trust me to wait? Can't he do something? I asked, n he said, its breaking his heart to make me suffering like this, he wants me to be happy, but it seems like he fails to do so. And we are right back to the starting line again, end up in vicious cycle that makes us both sick.
Truly, happy ending is still far. But I dont want to forget the reasons I love him. I dont want to stop looking at his face. I dont want to see his fake smile anymore. I wanted him to be happy, but I am so confused, I changed my mind every minute. Not that that is strange with me, but this certainly makes me more unhappy.
So now, I decide to stop. Stop thinking about the pain. And start thinking again how good it feels when we are together, when our only concern is to have fun. I wish I could just forget everything that happens in this two months. I pray god, to give me strength, to give him strength, n for us to cross this bridge.
I have been unhappy for more or less 2 months. or longer as I feel it. Giving up sometimes is not an option when U love someone and U feel that they are hurt when they r with U.Questions and more questions makes me think and think and think. What should I do, What should I say, What? And sometimes I feel like he dont want to be a burden anymore, dont want to make me cry anymore by giving me permission to leave. Don't he trust me to wait? Can't he do something? I asked, n he said, its breaking his heart to make me suffering like this, he wants me to be happy, but it seems like he fails to do so. And we are right back to the starting line again, end up in vicious cycle that makes us both sick.
Truly, happy ending is still far. But I dont want to forget the reasons I love him. I dont want to stop looking at his face. I dont want to see his fake smile anymore. I wanted him to be happy, but I am so confused, I changed my mind every minute. Not that that is strange with me, but this certainly makes me more unhappy.
So now, I decide to stop. Stop thinking about the pain. And start thinking again how good it feels when we are together, when our only concern is to have fun. I wish I could just forget everything that happens in this two months. I pray god, to give me strength, to give him strength, n for us to cross this bridge.
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