Ayah, cepat sembuh okay?

Ayah during one of his treatment.

When I was writing this entry  my dad just told me casually, while he was getting a treatment which he said it is to purify his body, that he had cancer. It was nothing serious he said, when my eyes are smarting like hell. Although I always believe my dad, I didn't believe it then. How can a cancer be not serious, do tell me? He still cheerful, he still doing his favorite things except he's doing it shorter and he went to purify his blood every third day. Whenever I ask whether he need companions, he always said he got someone, when he actually going alone, just because he doesn't want to burden me to come back home every week. Especially as I am busy doing my final year project and stuff, he said its okay, he's absolutely fine.


But I know he's actually not. When he was in pain, he kept smiling and go to bed, saying he feel tired and needed to sleep. He started to vomit blood today, and I'm going back tomorrow. I hope I can go back today, asap. My heart bleed for him. I was so bloody worried. I hope I could see him before anything happen. I can't bear losing him. I'm a daddy's girl, and my dad always so proud of me. He always showing off me to his friends, and always bring me to anywhere he went. I miss you, Ayah. And I love you a lot, its uncountable. 


I won't be who I am today, and I won't be here if its not for him. I have a weakness for sea, and I love sea, but I was always panic when I'm in the sea. Not once or twice that I've drown, but each time I went to somewhere with the sea.I once drown, and I was so bloody deep already that I think I would day, and suddenly, I saw a vision of my dad plunging in the water to save me. It was my Ucu's wedding and my dad have to wear kain sarung and singlet for her wedding. Now and then, I still dream of him that way when he was trying to save me. I rarely cry, but my heart aches so much for my dad.


He's going to operate this 25th, and I pray that he will be okay. The chances are 50-50. And yet, I hope so much that my dad is going to be okay. Cepat sembuh Ayah. So that we can go do our stuff together soon. :)