Hello, new year. (halfway through the first month, already!)

Hello everyone.

I have neglected this blog as I'm too busy living my life.

The last time I wrote in this blog was back in August, and hello new year!

Four or more months!

Well, I have been busy, I'm doing a weekly dowry rental for Johorians and Singaporeans, I've been busy with baby and maintaining the other blog, maintaining my household with lil ones that just turns one.

I've shared my wishlist in the other blog, and I'm still as restless as ever.

Less bitchy? Perhaps.

I'll try to update once in a while I hope, but for now, head over to my other blog about more on my business side.

I'm going to update more on house organizing here, maybe perhaps especially when I get my own house. 

Right now, although my living room and kitchen is still organize, I need to do something about my craft room!

I'll take some pictures tonight and hopefully will update when I organize it more. 

Talk to you soon. :)

Kate.

Weekend post : Keyaan's first fever!

Tsk tsk.

So last week, Keyaan was learning so many things!

Each day, there's one thing he showed us and we were surprised!

First up, he now can hold his own bottle *when he wants it*

The next day he flip on his own from lying down to tummy down.

Next day, he just flipping from lying down, to tummy down, to lying down again.

Gosh!

We have a gift from a friend of ours who gave us this Krabi shirt.

On weekend I put on his Grovia cloth diaper. 

It's freaking cute!

He fall asleep while holding his bottle. Good boy!

Then when I want to do chores, he just stare at the fan till he fall asleep. No idea what's so fascinating on the fan. Movement?

Then I went shopping with Syida. Bought lots of new tudung! :D

In the evening Keyaan had a high fever and become so cranky!

My hand ache as he nurse non stop till 4 am.

At 4 am, I asked his daddy to feed him cause I wanna sleep!

Zzzz.

I put on Kool Fever, and the next day the fever goes down a lot!

I'm a happy mom!

I'm seriously considering another business.

I'm bored with my day job. 

Zzzzz...

On motherhood and a respond to Janine Kovak

After reading the letter, I feel envious to that "Doris" who played with her Iphone all thru convo, doing her career woman stuff. Truthfully, I couldn't cope. There are some who loves kids, and there are some, who like me, kids are fine, when they are someone's else.

The pregnancy was unexpected. I was what the doctor called "non-fertile", I weight way more than the recommended weight, my menses are playing havoc, unsteady hormone and so on. So I happily thought, I'm not gonna get pregnant, naah, not in a million years. But then after 5 months without menses, I have the urge to pee on a stick. Yes, in the middle of the night, at 3am, with my husband 100km away from me. And the two lines appeared. I was like, what the fuck? No, I can't be a mom, I'm too young! This went on until morning, at 7am, I went to clinic to get checked up and "Congratulations! You are pregnant!". As the good doctor smile, I feel sick. Suddenly. I puke and all my bones aches.

I feel like I've been sentenced to death. I don't want a child, I cried. I'm too young, I hate kids, and all sort of feelings overwhelm me. Less than a week, I tried to be on positive side. I'd google on what babies like, what they should ate, what they do, blah2. I bought cloth diaper *because they save a lot of money, they are million times better for you*, I downloaded all the app regarding babies, I bought the best postnatal care *tanamera, still the best*  in fact I do all sort of research.

Then come the dreaded day of check up. Every month, I will get berated, either not gaining much weight (none, for the first 5 month) to too much weight (5kg during raya) then to not gaining much weight again(none, or less than the desired weight). Next I was given lecture. By anyone who happens to know I'm pregnant. Don't eat durian, don't eat pineapples, don't drink softdrink, don't that don't this. By my 35th week, I've started bleeding as I'm too active. I took early leave. Then I've waited, and waited, and waited. He stopped moving the last week before my due date, so I have to stay in hospital for two days. Then I got checked out, and on Tuesday, if he still won't come out, I'll be having forced labor. On Monday, I delivered him. Still, nothing. No mothering feelings, nothing. I've waited, and I'm tired and sore, and I just want to sleep. Then went I went back, I nursed. Day and night, with sore buds and nearly non stop nursing, I got tired and stressed out. Even hating him a little. I don't feel any "special bond when nursing". None. Nada. I got worried. I know I'm not ready, but I thought it will change once I gave birth.

Even until now, 2 months later, I only have little to none. Sometimes it's fun when he started laughing and so on, but when he cried, I feel like giving up, and give him to someone else (often, my husband). I look at my friends, with their breast fed child *mine went totally formula*, with their surviving on so little sleep *I'll argue with husband on whose turn to nurse/bath/change the baby* on them gushing on their baby, I feel so tired pretending. I guess there are people with maternal instinct. And then, there's Doris and me. I'd like to look at my Iphone more than my child. I'd like to go out without having to have 3 bags, all for one little baby. I'd like to go to anywhere without worrying about whether the milk is enough for him. And I got tired of people giving "advice" on how I should raise him. Are your child perfect? No? Then stop telling me advice. I hate it.

So, Doris, held your head high. Don't just follow what people tell you to do, at least you won't regret in the long term. I'm thinking of having an only child. One is maybe too many for me. We'll see. Maybe I'll grow up and learn responsibilities. Maybe...

And those cloth diaper that I bought? They are looking lovely in the cupboard. None used. Oh and I love Whoppee's diaper. Drypac, Drypers, Pet Pet all not working for me. 

A wedding, mini honeymoon and 37 weeks!

Hey y'all!

It's been a long week and I'm happy to announced that I'm full term and could give birth any time!

We went to Syida wedding on the weekend, from 10.00am and arrived at 2am. 

Don't ask. Tired, disoriented and sleep deprived, we bonk out as soon as we hit the pillow.

Once my head cleared, we went to Syida's house as mom will cook the makan damai, and me, rearranging the flowers and so on. 

Here's the flowers beside the bed:

The other bed and the flower bouquet: 

Me and hubby posing~ 

The bride and bridegroom:  

Then at night we went out for dinner and ate maggi ketam.

Freaking delicious with so many stuff inside!

The crab, the prawns, the soup.

Oh my godddd.

Then we went to wakaf che yeh.

Cheap cheap stuff!! 

I totally love it, will go there again next time!

The dress that I bought:

On unrelated note, I'm now 37 weeks!

We're full term!

After the pregnancy scare on 35th weeks, bleeding and the bloody show, it seems that the prayers from family and friends works!

I've just turn 37 and I'm sooo happy that the baby is full term.

Now, he can come out anytime!

I was tidying up his room yesterday, so since hubby bought the barut, I've wash them, with the crib sheet and mattress protector.

The barut: 

The cloth sis gave: 

The mitten, boots, cap, lampin with grovia cloth diaper: 

Next, after check up yesterday, since it's still early, I went and bought these lovely ladies:

*pinky, yellowy and orangy* 

Then last nite dinner we had durian, vegetable soup and cekodok kentang!

Yummy! I even had durian for today breakfast.

Weee~ 

So, since I'm too lazy, I'm just posting pictures.

I can't wait for the baby to arrive, simply cause my body is in pain 24-7!

Please baby, come out come out and playyyy~

Sincerely, mom, dad and everyone else. XD

Hari bulan Islam for things you wanna do

Hey loved ones, I was looking for something to read when I came across this::


(Firstly I look at 20th, and feel happy, then I realize this is as in Islamic Calendar, so I switch it, and so mine is 23rd. But the result is still good! Hurm ni yang rasa nak kahwin cepat nih :p )

HARI-HARI BULAN ISLAM PANDUAN MENURUT IMAM JAAFAR AS-SODIQ A.S.

01hb: Hari yang baik untuk bertemu pemerintah (orang kenamaan) / meminta hajat / berdagang / bertani dan bermusafir.

02hb: Hari yang baik untuk bermusafir / meminta hajat.

03hb: Hari yang tidak bagus.

04hb: Hari yang baik untuk berkahwin dan Makruh untuk bermusafir.

05hb: Hari yang tidak bagus.

06hb: Hari yang diberkati dan baik untuk berkahwin / meminta hajat.

07hb: Hari yang diberkati dan elok untuk apa yang dimaksudkan dan diusahakan.

08hb: Hari yang baik untuk meminta hajat dan Makruh untuk bermusafir.

09hb: Hari yang penuh keberkatan dan baik untuk segala hajat manusia. Dan barangsiapa yang bermusafir bakal memperolehi rezeki harta dan dia akan melihat banyak kebaikan dalam perjalanannya itu.

10hb: Hari yang baik untuk segala hajat melainkan bertemu pemerintah (orang kenamaan). Sesiapa yang lari dari penguasa akan tertangkap. Tetapi, baik untuk berjual-beli. Sesiapa yang mendapat penyakit akan cepat sembuh.

11hb: Hari yang baik untuk segala hajat, bermusafir, jual-beli, bercucuk tanam melainkan bertemu pemerintah (orang kenamaan).

12hb: Hari yang penuh keberkatan. Maka mintalah hajatmu dan berusaha nescaya akan mendapat. Bersembunyi dari pemerintah adalah lebih baik.

13hb: Hari yang tidak bagus atas segala amalan / hajat.

14hb: Hari yang baik bagi segala hajat / amalan.

15hb: Hari yang baik bagi segala hajat / amalan. Nescaya akan mendapat.

16hb: Hari yang tidak bagus.

17hb: Hari yang baik bagi segala hajat/ amalan. Nescaya akan mendapat. Baik untk bermusafir, jual-beli, bercucuk tanam, membina bangunan dan bertemu pemerintah (orang besar).

18hb: Hari yang baik bagi segala hajat. Barangsiapa yang bertemu musuh, akan mendapat kemenangan dengan Takdir Allah.

19hb: Hari yang baik bagi segala amalan. Barangsiapa yang lahir pada hari ini akan mendapat keberkatan hidup.

20hb: Hari yang baik untuk segala hajat, / bermusafir / membina bangunan / bertani / kahwin dan bertemu pembesar.

21hb: Hari yang tidak bagus.

22hb: Hari yang baik untuk berdagang / bertemu pemerintah / musafir / BERSEDEKAH.

23hb: Hari yang baik digalakkan untuk berkahwin dan apa saja perniagaan dan bertemu pemerintah.

24hb: Hari yang tidak bagus.

25hb: Hari yang tidak bagus dan BERHATI-HATI untuk setiap perkara.

26hb: Hari yang baik untuk segala hajat kecuali kahwin dan musafir. Hendaklah kamu BERSEDEKAH pada hari itu kerana ia memberikan banyak manfaat.

27hb: Hari yang baik untuk segala hajat.

28hb: Hari yang bercampur ( Baik & Tidak baik).

29hb: Hari yang baik bagi segala hajat melainkan menulis (kitab). Boleh menulis tetapi MAKRUH. Barangsiapa yang menulis kitab tidak mendapatkan idea yang baik. Sesiapa yang mendapat penyakit akan cepat sembuh dan yang bermusafir bakal mendapat harta yang banyak.

30hb: Hari yang baik bagi segala hajat / berdagang / bertani / kahwin, cepat sembuh dari penyakit, Yang lahir pada hari ini akan mendapat keberkatan, akan diangkat kedudukannya. Suka bercakap benar dan menunaikan janji.


Taken from:: here


P.s (edited) well, again, it's not in any Quran or Hadith, but a from an Imam,  IMAM JAAFAR AS-SODIQ A.S., so it doesn't mean that any date you choose automatically is not good, or good for you. If the things you do it is bad, so automatically it's bad even if you do it on a good day. For example, 30th is a good day, but you went clubbing, drinking. So whatever you do, as long as you do it with a sense of awareness doing it for Allah Swt, so, InsyaAllah it will be good. This is just a sharing, doesn't mean it is true.


One thing more, even if you chose an auspicious day, ex 30th, but you make the event too grand, that you have to borrow from bank and you did it not because you want to share your happiness, but so that people will think of you highly, so it doesn't make it good too, right? So, whatever you did, it depends on yourself, and your intention or niat. :))

Thanks plain jane!

Te-te-telephone!

We finally have an official phone! Woohoo!

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Lemonade, sugar, and a jar of water.

People said when life give you lemon, u should make lemonade. The problem is when you realize your jar of water fall to the ground, and then the sugar is mysteriously missing! What should you do then?

Life is no peach. Esp when u give all your love out then people don't appreciate it, what would you then?

I am so tired of caring for people. Sometimes I do want to be cared at. You know when you whine about something and people just ignore and said things will passed and that you are not thankful enough? Yeap eventually it will pass, but at those strained times, I do feel like its one of the biggest problem I ever had.

Some people, they chase so many things that they end up forgetting those that have been with them for the last thousand years. And when they have lil hiccups and people abandon them, then they remember, hey maybe I should call so and so, she/he always listen to my problems. Sigh.. Is that the only time you remember him/her? Is she/he not worth of your attention, since she/he was so blessed with everything?

I miss those people who once, were so important to me, but now, I don't feel that there's any thing to relate any more. Maybe we moved on. Maybe we stop caring. Maybe we grow up and feels that we are somewhat different. Maybe. Maybe not.

I wish I was some where else, and doing some thing else and start over all over again. Its getting tired and frustrating.

To my love, get well soon. I know the chemo is eating you out, and I know you are trying to fight it out. I am with you. I want to grow old with you, with you cradling my lil ones. I want them to know what a wonderful dad and grandpa that you have been. I wanted to show you how successful I can become. I wanted you to be happy with the path I've chosen and how you give me enough room on growing up. I wanted to show you a lot more, I wanted you to be proud of me.

I know I'm selfish to make you suffer in order to make me happy. If you need to go, with open heart, with open arms and mind, I'm letting you go, love. Its tiring, its hurting, it breaks my heart and even your family, but I could not selfishly asking you to stay even thou you can't anymore.

I know you are strong, and I know you could survive this and another 10 years or so easily. Stay strong Dad. I love you so, and we all do love you so. But if you can't handle it anymore, we love you enough to let you go to meet your only lover. I love you dad, and I wish you knew how much I do...

And to you, I know you are under a lot of stress, but don't take it out on others. It hurts. We are all trying to help, yet you resist so much that I don't know if I can still be here, watching you burning yourself to death...And if I have enough energy to deal with all those silly things anymore...

Again and again I fall into depression.. but the one I confessed to always, always tell me I'm not, and it will go away. Is it better to pretend that I don't have problems? That I am too perfect to have problems? I'm sorry, I can't confessed to you anymore. The trust is slowly, slowly beginning to crumple. And I don't feel like talking or opening up to you anymore.

To another you, thank you for listening to my rambling, even in wee hours of morning, or whenever I feel like talking. Even thou you don't understand my world, my life, my style and my craziness, you stood there, like a best friend should, and give me enough shoulder that yours are drenched with tears. Thank you for caring for me, you make me wanna try again, and that I can do anything. Maybe tonight we can have another double feast just like yesterday, just to cheer me up? XD

Writing gives me medium to get mad, to get creative, to write what I feel, to laugh, to cry, and its like one best friend I could always count on. I could talk on and on about my plans, my broken plans, my future and past plan, and it soothes my nerves. I miss writing. I hate whatever I wrote could be misinterpret, but I don't want to care anymore...

Any planes to any beautiful beaches with free accommodations and foods? Anyone?

Two face bitches.

Hello world.

I just feel like writing something.
But with no idea what.

Actually, no scratch that, I got too many ideas to write, but it will hurt some people, any honestly, I dun gv a damnnn..

Nowadays I feel like friendship is so shallow. Scratch that, any -ship is so bloody shallow. Whether relationship with co-worker, classmates, family, sometimes, I do feel we all wanted to be friends with someone because of something. Not because we wanted to have friends and interested in people we are friends with, but only cause we only wanted not to be lonely, and to gain something from that relationship.

People change so fast, I could hardly see their changes, sometimes, even in a blink of eyes. Being nice to you when your boss is beside you, and yet making faces and scold you when you are alone, cos you are one insignificant freak who are nothing, with no "name" or whatsoever in that organization chart... I can't understand why can't people just work with the need to work, not because of something else?

*sighhhhh*


No darling, that s life. Not many people work/ do things because they want it sincerely. Some have hidden talent of faking their facial expression and their talent of 2 faces bitch. Some wants recognition. Some wants attention. Some just jealous of you no matter what you do. Forget those past friends or so called friends, they are, what we call friends with benefit (minus the sex, though :P ) and we are easy to discard, after they got newer shinier friends or bigger n better bosses or a guy. Do u know how easy it is for a girl to replace their girlfriends when they found a man. Most will forget bout their friends and focus on their mannnnn only. Sigh, okay I've done this before, and I'm thankful for my friends who were there when I get back to them, and I did n't do the same thing when I'm with my current bf. I value both! Whoever ask me out first win. So, first come, first serve. :P

Sincere is so hard to judge, like a black cat, on a black rock, in a pitch dark cave. I could only give my trust and heart sincerely to other people, and once they trample on that, I could no longer trust them. Sure, I can smile and act like nothing happen, but hey I'm no actress. If I don't like you, I'll say it to your face. Being vulnerable and smiling like nothing happen, I can do that, but I prefer not to, For me, a friendship is a friendship, I value my girls more than I value my family sometimes, and if you are not worth it, I won't waste my time to pamper you. No.

My words, they are harsh and cold, but I still know that I'm affected the most during all this. I don't want to give people up, I had fun with them and I used to like them, but ... well things happen. :)

Here's something to make me smile, is here

So funny, am lmao all the way to pages no 30. :)

Have fun people. Even when you face the so called two faced bitches. :)

Suram.Bosan.Mood hilang.

Perut da keroncong, mata dah ngantuk, otak dah bosan.

Bile duit nak masuk ni????

Btw, something I saw today, but forgot where =.="

Something like I made, but with lace. Make my heart flutters..aw...

*wedding porn mode as I'm sooo tired. :( *

Office aku ni kadang2 mcm pantry...or kedai kopi...aihhh

Unhappy...

Unhappy day for me....
The tears flow freely and I just can't stop thinking...
*deep breath*
Sometimes the simplest thing could make your head spin so hard. :(

I'm letting you go, past life!

Image taken from here

Sometimes, I find it hard to let go. Things that I honestly far better not knowing, things that I supposedly don't care about. Sometimes I do feel frustrated by this past life, which I don't even understand why. Family feuds, friend-enemy battle, past boyfriends, things that I did and things that I didn't do. I don't regret them all, but I do feel like burdened with all this feelings. Once I read that I'm a problem solver, so that's why I can't let go of unsettled things. But sometimes, things are better off left where they were left. I want to erase names, location and other painful things. I do feel painful when I encounter similar things to the things I have encountered at my past.. Should I really feel like that? The ghost of you is still haunting me, making me paranoid that my future will be the same as you. I feel like my heart squeeze so hard, and its painful. When will I be able to forget you, past life?

If I don't take a step towards forgetting all this, I will be bitter till d end, and I don't want that. So right now, I'm saying goodbye, past life. I shall miss you, but I will bury you, as deep as I can. I want to be the real me, not bothering about you anymore. Hello, new self. Be good to your own self. :)

Hungry...

When you are fasting, got too many things to do at once, and yet you are feeling so sleepy....and I think this water bottle is flirting with me. Looks like its soooo tasty.... mmm...

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